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New Pathways

White Ribbon Day – Two Poems by Anna

“What I was trying to get across is how abuse can make you feel and that there is hope and it can get better and even though it may be scary to reach out, we shouldn’t be scared to seek help. I think if there was a word to describe what I’m trying to say, the word would be courage,” – Anna

I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE

What are you doing to me,
Making me feel like this,
I kinda like it in a way,
But I want it to go away.

I don’t understand,
What’s going on in my head,
I know it may sound crazy,
But I want to feel alive again.

I want this ticking bomb to stop,
That’s constantly in my mind,
Its either going to explode,
Or it’ll start again and go down to zero.

Its a twenty four seven battle,
That exhausts me every day,
I just wish it would,
All go away,

My heart beats faster than Usain Bolt,
And thuds louder than a stampede of dinosaurs,
My mind is like a science professor.
Trying to figure everything out.

Why are guns illegal in the UK,
I just want to shoot these people,
The ones who hurt me and the ones in my mind,
Without any goodbye, showing no remorse,
Id rather rot alone In a prison cell,
Than be in this dark world inside my head.

When you write down exactly how you planned it,
But there’s anger as you know you cant,
Because of the idiotic gun laws,
Even though there’ll be a good reason for it.

When you dream,
Of what them gangs of people did,
Id rather have them suffer this time,
To see how they like it,
Its never going to happen,
Lets just face that fact,
Its something that shouldn’t have happened,
But what choice did I have.

Full of shame,
Full of guilt,
Full of uncleanliness,
Oh God, I just wish I could have escaped.
Full of fear,
Every time I see them around,
They haven’t stopped,
They still do it now.

I just want it all to stop, Everything that’s been going on,
I just want silence, I just want to rest,
I just want peace and quiet from everything inside and outside of my head.

SINKING

I’m sinking below the ground that my feet stand upon.
Even though I’m clearly alive,
Living has never felt right.
Its like I’m under the tide with this great depression over me.
That  will never go away from inside my mind.

I’m sinking in the currents that the sea has planted for me.
All anxiety will forever be gone and I will finally be free.
Its a great act which I’m ready to perform,
So I wouldn’t have to wake up anymore,
And live my life not wanting to live at all.

I’m screaming for a lifeline,
But nobody hears or sees me,
Like the black dot on a blank canvas,
being ignored as its the minority.
If it hasn’t got a purpose, What is it worthy of?
Unless your an artist or someone who can help,
Id appreciate your answers,
That could save me.